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And following that, of course, I think the bigger challenge was navigating the dating scene and navigating life after prostate cancer.

Bearse: Yeah, and you had a prostatectomy, which means you had your prostate removed, which can for a lot of men have a lot of side effects which you had mentioned which is incontinence and erectile dysfunction. That really puts a damper, a great difficulty on a number of life experiences, I guess, if you will. I imagine that it has a great impact on being able to have full sexual function and satisfaction.

How do you sort of reconcile like all right I probably need to regain some of this control or heal some of these side effects before jumping into the dating scene? Or did you? What were you thinking? Di Gesu: Well, I love the choice of the word damper because I did have both.

I had incontinence. I had ED. So, lay that over the potential of going out on dates and meeting women, it really, really hits the confidence level. I was incontinent.

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So, that certainly was a little bit of a turnoff. And then ED. Certainly, I guess what went through my mind was what do I have to offer a woman? Why would a woman want to be interested in me? It really, really weighs heavily on you when you start jumping into the dating scene. However, I had moved into a renovated mill building in Manchester, New Hampshire right on the Merrimack river. Di Gesu: Yeah. There was an opportunity to kind of start socializing with folks, and I was invited to go to pubs and bars and a number of restaurants in Manchester.

I made a couple of good friends, and that started opening up my social life. Not my dating life but my social life. And it gave me a little bit more confidence. And I was still dealing with incontinence. I was still dealing with the ED. Bearse: Yeah, what did you say to him or her that said that we need to get you on one of these dating sites?

What was the first reaction? And around the same time, I had a visit with my urologist. And I brought this up. I want to have a relationship.

I want to jumpstart dating, but you know, I have these issues. One of the things that he said to me that stuck with me was look you had cancer. Bearse: And this was your urologist that said that? Di Gesu: Yeah, my urologist had said that.

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Bearse: Does he also have a psychology degree? And maybe he had had this conversation with someone else at one point or another. But that stuck with me and helped me get enough nerve up to get on a dating site and start looking for someone, looking for love.

At the same time, things started to improve. And my urologist had prescribed — we tried Cialis. Viagra seemed to help me. And that gave me a little bit more confidence as well to get out there and start dating.

Rachel Rubin. One, remember that, and two, is that many women view intimacy as something much more than time in the bedroom. Did that ever come up in any of your conversations as you were getting back into the dating world? I think I was more having a crisis of confidence. I was kind of confident enough to go out on a date and engage with a woman and talk and have dinner and drinks.

Where my problem was what happens once you like that person enough to want to be intimate with that person? So, I was matched up by one of my friends, and it was one of those disaster dates, but it was all a learning experience for me. It was all good because it gave me the confidence to keep pushing ahead and keep trying to meet someone.

The erectile dysfunction was always there. I happen to be now with a very understanding woman who loves me for who I am. Di Gesu: So, I think that if I was to give advice to other guys — just go out there. Just go out there and be yourself. When you get to the point of intimacy, maybe have that conversation with that person.

Di Gesu: Yeah, no. I went through a rollercoaster of emotional reactions to both incontinence and ED. I mean, as you know, Jamie, after a divorce, you have the same question.

Will there ever be anyone else? Will I find someone else? Do I want to find someone else? The same thing was coming up now but in spades because I had the divorce, and then I had cancer. I think those are just normal reactions whether you have cancer or not. And even though she lives in Virginia, we talked often. And what I found in her that was helpful is that she and I both felt that we were no longer a whole man or a whole woman.

And I think by sharing that with someone particularly a woman, it was really good for me. And it was really good for her. Bearse: Yeah, I can relate. But I remember going through that whole experience for that first couple of years, and you really question your self-worth — Am I a whole person? Could somebody really care for me?

Episode 3: Prostate Cancer and Dating

And would somebody love that? And am I worthy of that? So, I can kind of relate on that level but certainly not on a having to live through cancer and go through what you went through. It takes quite a bit of courage. Di Gesu: It takes courage to do what you did too as well, Jamie. You mentioned it a little bit but take me back to your first date after diagnosis.

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